The sun sets on another day…
Wow. Sunset was stunning, but before sunset we were out by the water, meeting people, and seeing more. It was cold outside, but there was warmth in my heart.
I was thinking a lot about words today. Many of them echo in my mind. In my first marriage I often heard words like, “you don’t really mean that” or “that’s not what you think” and as I did, I questioned myself. I made changes based on words that were not mine. Of course, at the core of my being I just wanted people to be happy, so I modified myself not realizing what a slippery slope I was on.
As I matured, I found that there are a significant number of situations where I needed to pay more attention to my words in the words of others. It led to meet analyzing language and questioning words like “can” and “will” as I tried to determine how other people thought compared to how I processed information. I rapidly realized that words were being translated in my head into complex pictographs linked to past memories and experiences. When people’s words did not match up with their actions I quickly realized that it wasn’t necessarily their words that were at fault but instead my interpretation of their words and the multiple meanings and outcomes of each group of words.
At that point I knew that we all saw the world differently. As we built our vision of language it did not truly match up with the visions of reality and personal bias that were floating around in our heads. This is where books come in. I read a book called “OX” by Piers Anthony that shifted a lot of the way I saw the world. A character in the book explained a series of thoughts to someone else and then had that person describe back what they said. The situation was quite complex, but the descriptors were alien to each other and the main character had to communicate with an alien intelligence and suddenly realized that they had to let go their bias in order to understand how to communicate. I think all of us are in the same situation.
Somehow, we have translated the idea of words into a series of situations that cannot easily be communicated. Whether we are dealing with commitments and what the intention of a commitment is, or we are dealing with finite situations that are difficult to describe because other people have not been through them. It is there that words are manipulated, and people get lost in unique ideas the mayor may not have validity. It has become worse because as many try to understand a situation, they are told they will never understand and because of that they stop trying.
I know I’m trying to get to the point. So here it is, it’s time for us to listen to each other and instead of assuming that we understand the situation we need to work to see past our bias and instead ask the questions necessary to build a picture in our mind. We also have to realize that conversation is not about competition and we need to ask the questions to build a better view of other people’s vision of the world.
It seems pretty easy. It’s not. Work with people and as you do you will develop a better picture of the world and maybe even a better picture of yourself.
So as the sun sets on another day, take a moment and be aware that others may not see your point at all. Pay attention to everything going on around you and as you do ask the questions necessary to determine how people see you and see the world. In the end you may find it opens your eyes to a lot more. I hope you find a special series of ideas to open your views of the world, no matter what.
Sleep sweet, love life, and use your words…