The sun sets on another day…
I thought I would see a beautiful sky tonight; it was not to be. Instead, the rain fell across the horizon, and it was really pretty miserable. Cold rain and constant stuff made the day roll on and on as I drove for 11 hours. In the end I knew that high above it was very beautiful, but not really so much down here on the ground where is it.
I ended up going in circles for a while as I considered the idea of intentions. A Christmas conversation about the past made me think about how I interpret things daily. What are the intentions behind some actions, and how those intentions play out. What is the intent of starting down a particular pathway, when all it could bring is unhappiness.
I know this sounds a little sad, but i hope you can take a moment and think about it. We all have intentions when we’re interacting but do we really think about the other person inside of those intentions? Do we really consider the impact that we have on others?
For me the conversation came up as I considered my college years. There were some interactions with people that made me reconsider my entire approach to life, but was my approach to life modified for a good reason or for the reason built on the intent of another? This question haunted me as I fell asleep last night and as I drove today and as I am home now trying to recover from the drive, I am thinking that we always have to question not only other people’s intentions but also our own and, in the process, we have to consider that we could be wrong. That’s right, that thing you were so sure of, may very well be wrong.
It’s pretty funny, one of the people that came up in this discussion, i reached out two years ago. They instantly disappeared and of course didn’t answer my message, but I heard much about them and their interactions with other people afterwards and realized that I was simply a means to an end. My persuasiveness and drive allowed them to progress to a different level and once there I was discarded easily so that they could continue even though they hadn’t achieved the level I was at. I was worse for the wear, and it caused me to go through some serious issues in the following years as I explored the depths of relationships and how I wanted so to avoid giving anyone the power of impacting me again.
It took well over a year for me to study that in my mind, only to engage with another person that was almost worse. This gave me an even more unique view on life, and I came to terms with the fact that I needed no one to be whole and I needed no one to not be lonely. Many people approach life with the idea of loneliness being the worst possible thing that could happen to them, but in the end, loneliness is not as big a deal as people think it is. I ended up finding my way and realizing that sometimes being alone is a good thing and being around people can be better as long as you live within your guidelines.
This entire approach to life changed the way that I dealt with intentions. I looked at outcomes and potential outcomes and my intentions were fairly clear. I knew full well that I had no control over anyone else and that it was likely that their actual intentions may not align with the words of their intentions, that did not matter. I was going to make the best day I could each day. Sometimes those people took away my ability to have the best day I could, that didn’t matter I found a way to be happy with what i had. Some people just want to bring others down to their level, that didn’t matter I was not going to become a slave to someone else’s ideals. Instead, I decided quite directly that life is far too short to suffer.
That’s not to say I don’t suffer sometimes. There are times that it is difficult and there are times that I find myself looking at a myriad of possibilities considering that I could have gone a dozen different ways. In the end, that too is OK. I don’t need to have a perfect day to have a great day. I can find my perfect days and enjoy them when they happen.
I know this seems like a mess of thoughts all clumped into a slop of slippery schlumps, but in the end it will make sense when you think about it. Take a step and think about your intentions and what others are intending to do and realize that few people actually care beyond their own intentions and intents, and you can be the bigger person by caring even when you shouldn’t. Yes, it’s a bunch of weirdness come on but as you consider it, it’s going to make sense.
So as the sun sets on another day, welcome to a ridiculously long post about something that has to be considered inside your mind for a strangely long time. Consider well your intentions and the intentions of those people around you, and in the end remember that you can give others the best possible day they could ever have and they still you may not realize how important you are to them. Rise above and be important to yourself that’s the best possible thing in your universe, no matter what.
Sleep sweet, love life, and believe in yourself…