The sun sets on another day…
As the sun rises and sets there is no question to its path, its intent, and the outcome of each day. It is predictable to a degree that we only see in science. There is no easy effect we have on it, and no matter how much we love or dislike the sunset, it will come each day with or without us.
Interesting thought, huh?
Today I was having a discussion with my daughter about relationships. She is always wanting to be the best she can be in almost everything, and she was caught up in the future, and thinking about tomorrows. At first we had a discussion that was quite clearly about yesterdays post. She was thinking of tomorrow, when she should have been thinking of the now. We discussed, and her question was simple: “How do you know things are OK?”
It is an interesting thought. Unfortunately I have had quite a few relationships in my life. I have heard all sorts of theories about how you should do this or that, and how the man should just make the woman happy, or the woman should be subservient, or the man should be subservient, or there should be clear boundaries, and even there should be no boundaries. I have been told before that passion that burns bright burns out fast, that a lack of passion means there never will be passion, that fighting is the best thing for a relationship, that fighting is the worst thing for a relationship, and so forth and so on. In the midst of this discussion my brain boiled a great deal of data down to a small bit of information, and leveled it further to two questions. The questions are easy, and make sense and I told them to my daughter and we discussed it, and both felt it was good.
Question 1: Are you doing everything you can to make your love/mate/wife/husband happy?
Question 2: Is your love/mate/wife/husband doing everything they can to make you happy?
I am sure someone will say “well, duh, I can’t do X Y or Z, but the definitions are simple.
“can” will be defined as within your power with the time available
“happy” will be defined as a state that you cannot make, but instead give them the opportunity to make by setting something in motion or doing something that sets something in motion.
“everything” is simply enough that it fits in your schedule with no exclusions except those that are critical to the relationship. So no quitting work, knocking over a bank, flying to Tibet to bring back a lama, or flying to bring back a llama. I do suggest setting aside social media, basket weaving, and a host of other things that quite honestly should be secondary to your relationship.
We discussed this for a while and I started to feel like a wild eyes preacher as I realized it was a simple equation that should always work. First you ask yourself the question, because truly you can only control you. If the answer is no, you have a problem. You need to talk about ti and work it out, or determine why you are not doing anything or everything.
If you get past the first question with a “yes” and the second question’s answer is “no”, you need to ask yourself questions, as in did you communicate expectations, set goals, or is there a mutual understanding, or not. If the answer is no though, you have some questions to ask each other to make things work.
If things stay no for more than a short time, you might have a serious problem and maybe should consider help, or running and joining a convent or monastery or something similar.
Yeah yeah, who am I.
Well, I have failed a lot and succeeded some, and I have listened to a lot of people who have failed and succeeded. In the end though, I am nobody and this is an opinion and I may just be entertaining you for a few minutes. If so, laugh, smile, and throw cheese at other people because, well, why not. If this does make sense, consider it as I will be considering it daily. Is it worth your happiness to see someone else treat you poorly? Is it worth someone else’s happiness for you to treat them poorly.
Hmm.
I have loved before and given everything, and had it taken away. I have taken and not given enough, and had it taken away. Neither are good in the end.
So as the sun sets on another day, this is rather wordy and a thought I will try to refine as life goes on. I can only hope you truly find someone that cares enough to really understand your happiness, wants and needs. I also hope that you listen enough to make someone happy, and fulfill there needs. Anything less, well, is just not super.
Sleep sweet, love to the moon and back, and listen to “Hero” sometimes, then be someones hero…