Not your fault…

The sun sets on another day…

I was in a parking lot with Pepper when I saw the sun starting to set. I took a moment and enjoyed it, then snapped a picture as clouds started battling with the evening light. As I drove home, the light was pulled from the sky, and darkness closed in on me; still, it was a great sunset.

It’s been a while since I’ve seen the movie “Good Will Hunting.” during the movie, there is a portion that focuses on the main character and their feeling of ownership of the problems in their life. A character says to them, “it’s not your fault,” and the scene becomes a powerful series of emotions as the main character realizes the heaviness they have been placing upon themselves.

I have always taken a different approach when talking to people and explain simply that it was my fault. It is my fault that a volcano erupted in the Pacific Ocean, it is my fault that there is a divide in the world, and it is my fault that some people are so afraid that they lash out at any kindness directed toward them. Depending on the conversation, I will blame myself for the woes of the world simply because it quickly points out that the situation is not correct. When people realize that I am willing to take the blame and they look at it away from themselves for a moment, they also realize that it’s not my fault, and it’s not theirs either.

It is so easy for many people to take the blame for anything. Years ago, I worked with a group of people that were very downtrodden, and they were convinced that it was always their fault. Sometimes this very idea that it was their fault created a situation that was dangerous to them and often others involved. They made the decision to take the blame for things that were out of their control or beyond anyone’s control. It is with that in mind that I ask you to take a step back from anything that is frustrating you and stop believing it is your fault. You should ask yourself a question each time you feel blame. Well, maybe you should ask two questions: could I have taken an action that would have changed anything? did my inaction change anything?

It is with that in mind that I can tell most people it is not your fault. Many of us have an illusion of control over situations and other people. It is a fact, however, that you cannot control other people, nor can you climb inside their minds and make them do anything. By the same token, most situations are out of your control, and the only thing that you can say for certain is that you were either aware or unaware, but you had no control and, as such, can take no blame. If you are treated poorly by another person, you cannot take the blame any more than I can take the blame for a volcano erupting in the Pacific. If you are in a situation that you have no control over, you cannot take the blame either. Under most circumstances, except the most direct issues where you are driving a situation, or you are the only variable, it is not your fault.

I know that it’s likely that you won’t believe me. I would love to put so much detail into this post that it would gag Godzilla. Instead, I can only ask you to consider well your position in the universe and what you can control and not control. I think you’ll find that in most cases, it is not your fault. Find the belief in yourself to believe those words and, in doing so, reduce a little stress.

So as the sun sets on another day, it’s not your fault. All those things you blamed yourself for are not your fault. It will be hard to believe, but maybe you should blame me and see how it sounds. If I am to blame, oops. Otherwise, it’s time to let go and realize you’re a pretty good person. Keep being you, no matter what.

Sleep sweet, love life, and its not your fault…