The sun sets on another day…
Sunset was surprising. The sky was clear for a while, then lost in clouds, then clear again. In the end, the colors stood out and painted the horizon with wonderment.
For the last several weeks I have found myself struggling. I am trying to become my old self but have several things to overcome. Just a few days ago a lot changed. My body went through significant modifications and suddenly I found myself feeling more and doing more. As i did so I wanted to do more and wanted to become who I was. Actually, I have the opportunity now to become far more.
I am going to share a little here that I don’t normally share. I recently went through a procedure to replace a valve in my heart. Apparently, i had had this defect since i was a baby and it had never been truly identified. Along with that I had a malformation causing an aneurysm in my aorta and the doctor to be safe did a bypass even though I wasn’t quite there.
Let me first say that this is something that everyone should avoid, but I had no way to avoid it the valve in my heart was degrading and it needed to be fixed. My cardiologist will happily tell you my heart is quite healthy, and I have never had any type of heart failure but I may have been limited by the efficiency that the cardiovascular system could allow. That was weeks ago.
The first week was in the hospital and it was not good I didn’t sleep for seven days period time was different and each moment past like an hour. There were parts of it that were horrible and parts that were worse. I found myself watching television just so that I could experience time. Although I tried to sleep the beds in the hospital are way past awful. The staff was good, and the people were amazing. I came to appreciate my friends and my coworkers that reached out.
The second and third weeks were better. During my first week at home, I couldn’t easily walk my stairs. There were 14 stairs and I had to stop often twice to make it to the top. That too is gone now but as I went through time for those first several weeks at home, I grew to appreciate people even more and could not have done it without the help I had at home. I found myself in amazement for how my body reacted and in frustration for how doctors make assumptions but don’t look at hierarchical data. I am still fighting with some medication simply because it was changed and the new medication is not as effective. I am also realizing that doctor’s try to fit everyone into a box and boxes do not work.
This week I am feeling better and have walked several long distances. I have had friends visit and each time it has made things better. I have had numerous people try to help and actually ordered DoorDash last night but have no idea where my food was delivered. This was amazing and I hope that I get my food to night.
Now I am ready to open it up. I will continue to push and make things better and along the way I will make it better than it ever has been. I have lost weight and it has been a lot but now I will replace it and become as I used to be, the muscle will return and so will my clarity.
Of highest import is I continue to write. Both here and on two books that I am working on. I will make it fantastic and the books have new meaning a new life in my heart and in my mind. It is without reserve that I thank everyone who has helped me and I can only continue to make life better each day as I now may easily have doubled my lifespan. That will be a lot. Keep it being awesome and believe in yourself and when you know the time is right open it up for yourself and make the world yours every day.
So as the sun sets on another day, find the moments in life that make it amazing and in doing so strive to make them even more amazing. Push where you can but know when it is time to push and when it is time not to. Make the world yours each and every day and don’t be afraid to believe in yourself more than anyone else can. I believe in you and will continue to do so, no matter what.
Sleep sweet, love life, and keep living…